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User talk:SilentDecapitation
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Are You Paranoid? page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:22, January 3, 2015 (UTC) Re-uploaded story Please don't re-upload your deleted story. It is against the rules. If you feel your story is well-written or meets the Quality Standards criteria, make a case on deletion appeal or post it into our Writer's Workshop for comprehensive user review. If you re-upload a deleted pasta again, you will receive a 1-day suspension from editing. LOLSKELETONS (talk) 07:50, January 3, 2015 (UTC) RE: As I'm not the admin who deleted your story, my critique may not coincide with LOLSKELETONS reason for deleting "Slackjaw". Starting with the smaller issues: dialogue should be on separate lines. Avoid having characters talking in the same paragraph as it can be confusing when multiple people begin talking. There is also no need to censor your character. Avoid/use sparingly fragmented sentences as well. "Mouth opening to give an answer..." Additionally I would avoid shifting from the narrative following Christian to Jonathan without some form of divider or indicator that a perspective shift has taken place. There are punctuation issues. Abbreviated words need to have a period. “Yes, Mr(.) Collon.”, "Mr(.) Collon Quickly (should not be capitalized) climbed..." Wording issues. You need to make tenses agree, don't shift from past tense to present. "His boss looked (past tense) over him one more time before walking to the door. “Lazy son of a…” his boss mumbles (mumbled) as he opens the door and slowly walks (walked) into the dark hallway." Typos. "A distance (distant) sound of and (an) engine caused him to open them again...", "He felt the flesh held (holding?) his jaw tear apart as his mouth..." Grammar: words indicating possession are missing apostrophes. "Bosses(') arms.", "This thing(')s clothes" "Christian(')s once hidden face." words capitalized incorrectly. "A Crashing (sic) sound...", "Mr(.) Collon Quickly(quickly)" Story issues. Christian seems to be a bit of an overpowered OC character. He is 'killed' by a car crash, then shot through the neck (which seemingly has no impact on his ability to speak.), and he still has the strength to murder a man's wife while he is sleeping next to her (Improbable) and likely murder his boss with a meat hook. Additionally the final line of the story needs work. "“You told me that you were just giving me the freedom to get a life, so I’m going to give you freedom as well.” He said, as he took out a meat hook. Good thing he learned how to use one at his farm." First things first, there needs to be more description of what he does at the farm for that final line to have the impact you were looking for. Also the snappy bit of dialogue doesn't make much sense. How is impaling his boss on a meat hook going to give his boss any freedom? The story has a number of issues that lower the overall quality of the story below that of our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:54, January 3, 2015 (UTC) you should make stories ;D- I give you one like this...... the dead soilder....Laughing Man ,,,, laughing man